Tag Archives: Fads

What I really think about doppelgangers.

After avoiding the Facebook breast cancer post-your-bra-color extravaganza, I gave in to the evils of fads and doppelgangers week. Equipped with the ever-so-handy celebrity look-alike generator on MyHeritage.com, I picked out a straight-on, full-faced picture of me that seemed to be the best representation, and uploaded it. I excitedly waited for my matches with Taylor, wondering if I would get Reese Witherspoon (who people always say I look like) or one of the Olsen twins (who people used to say I looked like as a child).

Finally, after almost more time than I could stand (I mean come on, high speed internet, really?!) my matches finally popped up! As we scrolled through them, my matches were increasingly disappointing and, for the most part, male or Asian (including Daniel Radcliffe AKA Harry fucking Potter).

Obviously, after this I was seriously disenchanted. I decided I was nowhere near cute (or thin?) enough to post a picture of either of the Olsen twins or Reese Witherspoon, out of fear that people would scoff and think me conceited. So I posted no picture, and just an update to the effect of: Tried to find her doppelganger via MyHeritage.com, and her best matches were either Daniel Radcliffe (??) or Asian and/or male. So, no go, I’m just free to be me.

Needless to say, the post got a couple of responses, one from Taylor’s brother, who informed me that he thinks I look a little bit like America Ferrera, and the other from a friend who agreed. I googled her, of course, and browsed through a few images before deciding that she, too, was a little too pretty for me to presume her to be my doppelganger, and picked a picture of her in her show “Ugly Betty.” Though I am neither Hispanic nor have braces, some of the facial features and the glasses reminded me of myself.

But I wasn’t satisfied.

I googled “Reese Witherspoon” (not quite me), so I googled “fat Reese Witherspoon” (apparently there is no such thing), so (remembering her in Election) I googled “young Reese Witherspoon.” Tah-dah! I found a picture I was content with (similar to the one on the left), and cropped it a little, and called it a day.

But I still feel silly… And… I guess I would rather just be me… Ha.

Needless to say, we fiddled around on MyHeritage.com all day. My friend Casey who got Mother Teresa as her number one match (an aged Mother Teresa at that) when all she really looks like is our friend Jessa (or so we’ve heard), and Jessa’s match included Halle Berry and Madonna, neither of whom she looks like at all (we have since decided that their system is seriously flawed, aside from several matches here and there that were fairly close). Of course, this brought us to search for other celebrity look-alike generators, which led me to stumbling upon the greatest and the creepiest website of all time.

MakeMeBabies.com !! Holy shit.

Naturally, I matched my picture with pictures of all of my friends that were readily available (and some that were not), and picked out a frame and gender (or no gender) and name, and a picture of our child (“Little _____”) was generated and framed. I even matched myself up to see what my love child with Miley Cyrus would look like (trashy, and not cute).

See! Today, I did a damn good job using this period of joblessness.

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What I really think about Farmville: Days 3 and 4.

So very, very many things have happened in the past few days on my farm, I highly doubt that I could incorporate them all into this blog which (tragically) will be my final Farmville entry.

Since last blogging, I have moved up… to a Nimble Farmer, and a Saavy Farmer, and on, but those are the only titles I remember… Level 8! And look at the progress:

As you can see (by devoting far too much time to Farmville) my farm has greatly expanded since the last picture I posted, perhaps almost too much. Since I have advanced so far, I have collected a surplus of coins to spend on crops, buildings, trees, animals, etc. And since I have moved up, I have unlocked and gained access to so many more items at market. Currently, my farm is growing rice, wheat, artichokes, soybeans, daffodils, poinsettias, raspberries, plums, cherries, lemons, apples, squash, eggplant, and I could go on! I have also collected several chickens and sheep, and calfs, a reindeer (don’t ask me what this will harvest, I have no idea, but I’m sort of hoping Christmas lights or gifts pop out it’s ass), a goat, and a duck!

I have also gained about eight neighbors, out of friends who also play Farmville, learned how to give them gifts and fertilize their crops (that’s why some of my little plants are so sparkly!), and to help them shoo harmful animals from their farms.

But, alas, my friends, it is time for Farmville to come to an end, I can already see the adverse effects of it. In just two days I started to semi-plan  my schedule around my crops, so that I might get to them after they harvested but before they withered away. I started spending more and more time on the farm, gifting and requesting and fertilizing and planting and on and on in hopes of gaining more for myself. But once my animals and trees harvested, they started over, and once my plants were harvested, I had to plow them and plant more and wait again for them to harvest, so that I could use the coins I earned to buy more crops. And every-so-often the a screen would pop up, prompting me to purchase more coins and cash at a discounted rate, a special offer, in the next ten minutes (yes, like an informercial) or, perhaps, it was just there to remind me that everything, in the end, is to make a profit. And then what? I buy coins and buy crops and maybe a barn, and more animals, and sit around and wait for them to harvest, and then do it all again–a neverending cycle of buying and planting and harvesting and selling and on and on. It’s sad, and in the end, not really worth all of the things I’m not getting out of it.

Do you see what I’m getting at?

MINIATURE CAPITALISM! In Farmville! Like the oh-so wise Metric once said, “Buy this car to drive to work, drive to work to pay for this car.” And it rings true, even in Farmville.

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What I really think about Farmville: Day 2.

First I have to admit that I logged back onto Farmville for a little while yesterday, after posting that first blog. I was bored!

There wasn’t too much action–I adopted a baby calf from a neighboring farm, and turned around and sold it for 125 coins! What a deal! Then, I harvested a few fully grown plants, checked my seedlings (which seem to be developing nicely), plowed a few plots, and planted more strawberries, eggplant, and wheat. In other news (!) I purchased a water trough for my nonexistent animals!

And tah-dah! Amateur Farmer status!

But, today I logged onto to Farmville around 4 in the afternoon and was magically (and for no reason!) awarded a bunch of medals and shit (I’m not sure what, I just clicked through them).  Plus! some of my neighbors decided to help me out and fertilize some of my plants, which meant that they were ready for harvest, and I also got a bunch of coins! I had almost 2,000 (and when I left yesterday I had 38).

So, needless to say, today I decided to work AND shop.

Today’s bad news, however, comes in the form of two withered strawberry plants. Little did I know (but found out from my friend Casey upon seeing the brown plants) that my plants will wither if they aren’t harvested within about an hour of being ready. HOW DO YOU NORMAL PEOPLE AND COLLEGE STUDENTS KEEP UP WITH THIS? Does no one have a job, or a life? I mean, I certainly don’t have the former, but I do have the latter, and I still had withered plants!

I harvested all of the fully grown plants (pretty much strawberries and soybeans), and re-plowed the land where they had been growing. After that I took my coins to the market and purchased and planted some more crops: eggplant, strawberries, squash, and more soybeans.

But I still had almost 1,500 coins left after that, so I decided to plant some trees: one apple tree, and one cherry tree. They should be harvested in a few days, I’m curious to see if they pay off (quite expensive!). I’m not sure if the crop they grow are just worth more to sell, or if the trees will continue to flower and harvest after the first round. I guess we’ll see…

In other news, I started to put in a fence (also very expensive!) but I figure I might need it if I ever get any animals, and I plowed some new land and planted some more crops. Also, my wheat plants are growing into something, and finally don’t just look like seedlings, and I just got some yellow ribbon and another 1,000 coins for no reason!

I also found out that I can make my little slave farmer look just like me, and then boss it around! Or I could make it look like anyone, and put it to work plowing and planting and harvesting and building! Disappointingly (and much unlike the Mii on the Wii at my parents’ house) this little farmer looks nothing like me.

Me on my farm:

Hopefully tomorrow will be just as rich, and a little less dull.

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What I really think about you, hipster.

This is a heavy topic to start in on, and will likely take me several drafts (and maybe days) to complete.

But, dear hipster, YOU SUCK!

Oh my God, you ruin everything! All right, that may be a slight exaggeration, but you make a mockery out of so many things that I hold near and dear to my heart!

Your “stylish” clothes, your stupid swagger, that pack of cigarettes fashionably poking out of the breast pocket of anything you wear–I hate them all. I hate your boots, and your intentionally messy, asymmetrical hair, and the way you try to look so fancy, or completely unkempt, or both at the same time.

I hate your money.

More than anything, I hate that you take a million things that are actually cool, and make them “cool.” You’re ruining so many good beers for me, and no I don’t want to rent a film–a movie is just fine. I hate that you “like” the music that I so passionately love.

And I really hate your faux-intellectualism. Fuck off–you are not smart, you are just repeating some clever opinion you heard from someone else, and not giving them credit. And the way you keep trying to use “big” words like you know what they mean, but you don’t. Just because when you say them aloud they sound like they mean what you want to say, doesn’t mean that they do, and it’s even worse when you’re just making them up entirely. Please don’t call yourself a writer, don’t call yourself an artist, until you do something truly original and even vaguely creative. And get a dictionary, please.

To you, hipster, nothing is real, nothing sincere, nothing genuine. You are a prototype of what you think you should be. You are a fad. In six months, or two years, or however long it takes, you’ll catch on to a new trend and leave my pleasant little lifestyle alone, leave the real people to it.

Did I take that too far? I think I might be bitter.

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