Tag Archives: Facebook

What I really think about doppelgangers.

After avoiding the Facebook breast cancer post-your-bra-color extravaganza, I gave in to the evils of fads and doppelgangers week. Equipped with the ever-so-handy celebrity look-alike generator on MyHeritage.com, I picked out a straight-on, full-faced picture of me that seemed to be the best representation, and uploaded it. I excitedly waited for my matches with Taylor, wondering if I would get Reese Witherspoon (who people always say I look like) or one of the Olsen twins (who people used to say I looked like as a child).

Finally, after almost more time than I could stand (I mean come on, high speed internet, really?!) my matches finally popped up! As we scrolled through them, my matches were increasingly disappointing and, for the most part, male or Asian (including Daniel Radcliffe AKA Harry fucking Potter).

Obviously, after this I was seriously disenchanted. I decided I was nowhere near cute (or thin?) enough to post a picture of either of the Olsen twins or Reese Witherspoon, out of fear that people would scoff and think me conceited. So I posted no picture, and just an update to the effect of: Tried to find her doppelganger via MyHeritage.com, and her best matches were either Daniel Radcliffe (??) or Asian and/or male. So, no go, I’m just free to be me.

Needless to say, the post got a couple of responses, one from Taylor’s brother, who informed me that he thinks I look a little bit like America Ferrera, and the other from a friend who agreed. I googled her, of course, and browsed through a few images before deciding that she, too, was a little too pretty for me to presume her to be my doppelganger, and picked a picture of her in her show “Ugly Betty.” Though I am neither Hispanic nor have braces, some of the facial features and the glasses reminded me of myself.

But I wasn’t satisfied.

I googled “Reese Witherspoon” (not quite me), so I googled “fat Reese Witherspoon” (apparently there is no such thing), so (remembering her in Election) I googled “young Reese Witherspoon.” Tah-dah! I found a picture I was content with (similar to the one on the left), and cropped it a little, and called it a day.

But I still feel silly… And… I guess I would rather just be me… Ha.

Needless to say, we fiddled around on MyHeritage.com all day. My friend Casey who got Mother Teresa as her number one match (an aged Mother Teresa at that) when all she really looks like is our friend Jessa (or so we’ve heard), and Jessa’s match included Halle Berry and Madonna, neither of whom she looks like at all (we have since decided that their system is seriously flawed, aside from several matches here and there that were fairly close). Of course, this brought us to search for other celebrity look-alike generators, which led me to stumbling upon the greatest and the creepiest website of all time.

MakeMeBabies.com !! Holy shit.

Naturally, I matched my picture with pictures of all of my friends that were readily available (and some that were not), and picked out a frame and gender (or no gender) and name, and a picture of our child (“Little _____”) was generated and framed. I even matched myself up to see what my love child with Miley Cyrus would look like (trashy, and not cute).

See! Today, I did a damn good job using this period of joblessness.

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What I really think about Farmville: Days 3 and 4.

So very, very many things have happened in the past few days on my farm, I highly doubt that I could incorporate them all into this blog which (tragically) will be my final Farmville entry.

Since last blogging, I have moved up… to a Nimble Farmer, and a Saavy Farmer, and on, but those are the only titles I remember… Level 8! And look at the progress:

As you can see (by devoting far too much time to Farmville) my farm has greatly expanded since the last picture I posted, perhaps almost too much. Since I have advanced so far, I have collected a surplus of coins to spend on crops, buildings, trees, animals, etc. And since I have moved up, I have unlocked and gained access to so many more items at market. Currently, my farm is growing rice, wheat, artichokes, soybeans, daffodils, poinsettias, raspberries, plums, cherries, lemons, apples, squash, eggplant, and I could go on! I have also collected several chickens and sheep, and calfs, a reindeer (don’t ask me what this will harvest, I have no idea, but I’m sort of hoping Christmas lights or gifts pop out it’s ass), a goat, and a duck!

I have also gained about eight neighbors, out of friends who also play Farmville, learned how to give them gifts and fertilize their crops (that’s why some of my little plants are so sparkly!), and to help them shoo harmful animals from their farms.

But, alas, my friends, it is time for Farmville to come to an end, I can already see the adverse effects of it. In just two days I started to semi-plan  my schedule around my crops, so that I might get to them after they harvested but before they withered away. I started spending more and more time on the farm, gifting and requesting and fertilizing and planting and on and on in hopes of gaining more for myself. But once my animals and trees harvested, they started over, and once my plants were harvested, I had to plow them and plant more and wait again for them to harvest, so that I could use the coins I earned to buy more crops. And every-so-often the a screen would pop up, prompting me to purchase more coins and cash at a discounted rate, a special offer, in the next ten minutes (yes, like an informercial) or, perhaps, it was just there to remind me that everything, in the end, is to make a profit. And then what? I buy coins and buy crops and maybe a barn, and more animals, and sit around and wait for them to harvest, and then do it all again–a neverending cycle of buying and planting and harvesting and selling and on and on. It’s sad, and in the end, not really worth all of the things I’m not getting out of it.

Do you see what I’m getting at?

MINIATURE CAPITALISM! In Farmville! Like the oh-so wise Metric once said, “Buy this car to drive to work, drive to work to pay for this car.” And it rings true, even in Farmville.

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What I really think about Farmville: Day 2.

First I have to admit that I logged back onto Farmville for a little while yesterday, after posting that first blog. I was bored!

There wasn’t too much action–I adopted a baby calf from a neighboring farm, and turned around and sold it for 125 coins! What a deal! Then, I harvested a few fully grown plants, checked my seedlings (which seem to be developing nicely), plowed a few plots, and planted more strawberries, eggplant, and wheat. In other news (!) I purchased a water trough for my nonexistent animals!

And tah-dah! Amateur Farmer status!

But, today I logged onto to Farmville around 4 in the afternoon and was magically (and for no reason!) awarded a bunch of medals and shit (I’m not sure what, I just clicked through them).  Plus! some of my neighbors decided to help me out and fertilize some of my plants, which meant that they were ready for harvest, and I also got a bunch of coins! I had almost 2,000 (and when I left yesterday I had 38).

So, needless to say, today I decided to work AND shop.

Today’s bad news, however, comes in the form of two withered strawberry plants. Little did I know (but found out from my friend Casey upon seeing the brown plants) that my plants will wither if they aren’t harvested within about an hour of being ready. HOW DO YOU NORMAL PEOPLE AND COLLEGE STUDENTS KEEP UP WITH THIS? Does no one have a job, or a life? I mean, I certainly don’t have the former, but I do have the latter, and I still had withered plants!

I harvested all of the fully grown plants (pretty much strawberries and soybeans), and re-plowed the land where they had been growing. After that I took my coins to the market and purchased and planted some more crops: eggplant, strawberries, squash, and more soybeans.

But I still had almost 1,500 coins left after that, so I decided to plant some trees: one apple tree, and one cherry tree. They should be harvested in a few days, I’m curious to see if they pay off (quite expensive!). I’m not sure if the crop they grow are just worth more to sell, or if the trees will continue to flower and harvest after the first round. I guess we’ll see…

In other news, I started to put in a fence (also very expensive!) but I figure I might need it if I ever get any animals, and I plowed some new land and planted some more crops. Also, my wheat plants are growing into something, and finally don’t just look like seedlings, and I just got some yellow ribbon and another 1,000 coins for no reason!

I also found out that I can make my little slave farmer look just like me, and then boss it around! Or I could make it look like anyone, and put it to work plowing and planting and harvesting and building! Disappointingly (and much unlike the Mii on the Wii at my parents’ house) this little farmer looks nothing like me.

Me on my farm:

Hopefully tomorrow will be just as rich, and a little less dull.

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What I really think about Farmville: Day 1.

After hearing, day after day, of my Facebook friends’s adventures in Farmville, I decided to see what all the fuss is about.

I sat down in front of my computer, comfortably stationary with my little sandwich bag, lighter, pipe, and my computer (what I figured to be the essentials for the full experience.)

I typed “Farmville” into the search bar, and was taken to the search results, and from there I (with some embarrassment and a mental note to remove it from my newsfeed later) added the application. Right off the bat, I became much too aware of the obnoxious background music, and was forced to mute the sound on my computer.

That done, I chose my gender (female, for anyone who wondered.)

Straight away I was taken to my plot of land, and immediately harvested eggplant and strawberries for coins, and then proceeded to plant a new crop: soybeans (which appearred to be the only seed I could afford–but who knows, I really haven’t grasped this thing yet.)

As it turns out, I was supposed to start off by plowing a few new plots, not planting, but, no real harm done, just a little bit of confusion.

With those tasks completed, it seemed I was done for the day. My computer told me to come back tomorrow to harvest the seeds I had just planted.

How do people spend hours playing this game? Mine practically told me to leave.

But I did decide to stick around and check things out further… It seems I was able to continue on, and buy lots of things for my farm: trees, seeds, animals, vehicles, etc. Anyway, I went to market to look around, perhaps find something to spend my 228 coins/$5 on. Strawberries were cheap and harvest quickly, so I bought some of those and planted them, and then plowed some more land. This time however, I watched the rest of the screen while plowing, and realized that almost every time I click my mouse, I lose coins! It costs to buy seeds, and plant them, and plow the land, and then I guess you harvest them, and get more coins.

Magically! I plowed and planted three plots worth of eggplant (which I consequently discovered is a fruit! I guess you are good for something, Farmville.)

By the time that was done, I was magically a level two farmer! WOW! A Kinderfarmer! A dream I never knew I had, come true!

May I interject with–goddamn this application is sloooowwww.

Now nearly out of money, I decided to try to ask some people to be my neighbors. Then I found out that getting neighbors requires you to send out little neighbor requests, like those annoying ones all of your friends send you for their Mob or Zombie Army or weird group that sit up on the top right of your Facebook page, waiting to be confirmed or ignored. You don’t want to be have a Zombie Army or join an X-Files fan group, but you sure as hell don’t want to hit the ignore button (how rude!) So you leave it up there for weeks until it really start to bother you, and finally (looking around to make sure no one is watching, a guilty lump in your stomach) hit the ignore button. Anyway, I swallowed my pride and sent a handful, maybe a dozen, requests out to my very closest friends and a few family members, and decided to call it quits for the day.

At the end of day one, what I have to say about Farmville is this: it’s just a much less awesome version of Roller Coaster Tycoon–which might still be good for a few cheap thrills, but would probably now pale in comparison to how fun it was when I was 12.

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