What I really, really think about tax returns.

I got ripped off by the people who were given that power to protect me! I feel so betrayed, I feel like I have been so loyal(ish)!

I was shorted by a massive margin on my tax return, as the IRS  felt it necessary to “adjust” the amount of my return down to $143.

That’s it. That’s all I got.

Yes, I am definitely going to be calling that number to tell you, my dearest government, that I don’t agree with the changes you’ve made. Hope you didn’t spend my money, I’m gonna be need that back for beer, and the upcoming holiday, thanks!

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What I really think about smoking and driving.

I realized while driving stoned the other day how much I enjoy watching the movie that plays in my rearview mirror as I coast slowly down the road. When the sun is out and shining it looks just like stock footage from Doris Day and Rock Hudson films.

Things are getting dangerous.

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What I really think about writer’s block: Part Deux.

Really?

If you didn’t know, I have a blog entitled “Blocktherapy”–a way of forcing myself to write through my writer’s block (even if it isn’t really what I want to be saying.)

And, if you hadn’t noticed, I have been failing since going back to work.

How am I ever going to become a novelist, without also being broke and unemployed, if I can’t even keep up with a weblog while working in retail?

I suuuuck.

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What I really think about vegans: Days 4 through 9.

That’s right all, I’m am currently writing this at four minutes into my tenth day of the 21-Day Vegan Kickstart. That is halfway, and let me tell you: it still isn’t that hard.

In fact, the only difficult thing is breaking habit. It’s amazing how much shit I just put in my mouth, without even thinking about it! Small mints and candies and snacks are the most difficult, I just pop them in my mouth without even the slightest hesitation. Without fail, about 15 to 45 seconds later I realize that I have no idea what I am chew/sucking on, and I spit whatever I’ve just put in my pie-hole out, and read the ingredients list. And there’s always something: butter, gelatin, honey, whatever.

While things like cheese and sushi and sour cream are still on my mind, I find that I can easily and happily fill myself up on other delicious (plant-based) foods, and not really even miss them. Most of the time, the products that I’ve cut out of my diet are things that are unnecessary additions to already delicious dishes, or easily replaced.

For instance, we make bean/mixed veggies and greens/tofu burritos in whole wheat wraps with lots of garlic and salsa, and the additions of meat, cheese, and sour cream are just a fleeting thought in my head that skips out just before I sink my teeth into the burrito. Or just now: Taylor made whole wheat pasta with white sauce. I know it seems impossible, but she used Sour Supreme (a sour cream replacement) thinned out with water or soy milk, and cooked it up with garlic, salt, and pepper, and mixed vegetables, put it on top of her noodles and voila! it’s almost exactly like alfredo sauce! Stroke of genius, Tay!

Anyway, the munchies are starting to kick in, I’m on the hunt for some soy mocha almond fugde.

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What I really think about vegans: Days 1 and 2, and some of 3.

Today marks day number three of the 21-Day Vegan Kickstart (thank you pcrm.org and gigsanchez.wordpress.com), and Taylor and I are getting along with the vegan lifestyle famously. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against eating animals or their by-products, necessarily, though it has always been somewhat of a gray area for me, even though I am hopelessly devoted to a number of dairy products.

Supposedly the idea of this vegan thing is to kickstart our health. A plant-based diet is supposed to lower our blood pressure and cholesterol, help us to lose weight, plus, for me it is a much more guilt-free lifestyle. I don’t feel that ridiculous guilt I felt while watching the movie “Fast Food Nation” (what a downer) and I can pig out and not feel too bad about it. Plus there is so much less fat involved, and empty calorie-consumption (of which I do plenty.)

Of course, the first thing I consumed on day one (aside from a couple pinches of granola) was a caramel macchiato (you know the routine–iced triple grande one-pump vanilla SOY caramel macchiato–no I don’t do the corporate coffee thing, but my girlfriend works there, which means it’s free, so why not?) I almost forgot to throw the soy in there, and realized how much more I love having milk in my coffee, just cuts it better, but the soy was also fairly enjoyable, though it made the drink a little sweet for my taste.

In other news, I have made a yummy veggie stir-fry thing (a couple of times), some homemade bread with homemade vegan jelly (thank you, Taylor), oatmeal, bean/veggie/tofu/potato burritos, salted popcorn, etc., and haven’t really felt that I was lacking any of my usual suspects (ie: eggs, sour cream, and any form of cheeeeeese, my one true love!) I also have not much missed meat, I usually don’t eat much of it anyway, as it isn’t super appealing and is quite expensive.

My verdict so far: this vegan thing ain’t so bad. That said, tonight I am going to a work party with Taylor, where I will be no doubt tempted by many delicious Asian dishes. Damn.

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What I really think about tax returns.

Ahhh, feels so good to file your taxes. Though I probably should have gotten around to doing it about a month ago, I still feel pretty good about getting my tax return filed six weeks before Tax Day (my 14th favorite holiday).

Since filing them yesterday afternoon, I have been obsessively fantasizing about all of the things I can do with my $412. Of course, once I write them down they probably won’t seem so exciting, but fuck it! I’m still thrilled to be getting money that I almost didn’t notice I had lost. Of course, there is the inevitability that someday in the future I will actually owe the government money, rather than the other way around, but I’m going to choose not to think about that. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Anyway, my Tax Day List (not unlike a Christmas list!):

1. Save: I am going to try my darnedest to set aside some money as a base to save for moving in the somewhat near future. I am also going to attempt to save at least $50 for my second favorite holiday (next to Taylor’s birthday, of course) 4/20/2010!!

2. Go grocery shopping: Thrilling, I know, but I owe Taylor a fatty round of groceries for the both of us, cause she got this last one while I was waiting for my first paycheck. Plus, by the time I get my return I will be almost done with my vegan thing, and can splurge on some delicious things (brie, ice cream), unless of course the next three weeks are truly life altering.

3. Pay bills: We needn’t go into too much detail here, this is pretty dull and depressing and definitely self-explanatory.

4. Pay a debt: I have a couple of debts collected around town. : D Mostly, a movie rental chain (which will remain unnamed) totally fucked me over for the price of three DVDs at $150. How this makes sense, I do not know, but it consequently overdrew my bank account, etc. So I have decided to pay this bullshit off, and get it out of my hair.

5. Buy measuring cups!: I know, I know, you’re starting to wonder if I could be anymore boring or like your mother. Let me tell you, you’re probably right. But almost all of our measuring cups except one have been lost/broken/melted/chewed by the dogs. And if you were trying to make bread (three cups of water and six-and-a-half cups of flour) and all you had was a 1/3 cup measuring device, you’d be going crazy too. And fucking up your recipes cause you can’t keep count.

6. Buy a gift for Taylor: Ya know, something pretty. Or practical, by the looks of this list. But either way, something I will not disclose here, cause she’ll see it, and it’ll wreck the surprise (even though she claims to hate surprises anyway.)

7. Order some beer: Yup. But only because I want a damn six pack of Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat (featured in my Christmas list post), and the only place in Portland I’ve been able to find it is Henry’s. And though I love their selection of beer (as it is vast!), it is usually too crowded and loud and overwhelming for my introverted taste, plus two pints of the beer I want would probably the same price (or more) than I could pay to have it shipped to my doorstep, where I could enjoy it slowly, in the company of good friends.

8. Have a fun night out/date night: Like a movie or laser light show and maybe fancy dinner and dessert. Maybe a trip up to Rocky Butte to see the lights at night, a long drive out somewhere, a picnic. Something great.

And that is all I can think of for now, though I’m pretty sure that I just spent more money in my head than the return will be total, so maybe the saving bit will end up going out the window. : D

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What I really think about Allen Ginsberg: an interlude.

The Terms in Which I Think of Reality

Reality is a question
of realizing how real
the world is already.

Time is Eternity,
ultimate and immovable;
everyone’s an angel.

It’s Heaven’s mystery
of changing perfection :
absolute Eternity

changes! Cars are always
going down the street,
lamps go off and on.

It’s a great flat plain;
we can see everything
on top of a table.

Clams open on the table,
lambs are eaten by worms
on the plain. The motion

of change is beautiful,
as well as form called
in and out of being.

Next : to distinguish process
in its particularity with
an eye to the initiation

of gratifying new changes
desired in the real world.
Here we’re overwhelmed

with such unpleasant detail
we dream again of Heaven.
For the world is a mountain

of shit : if it’s going to
be moved at all, it’s got
to be taken by handfuls.

Man lives like the unhappy
whore on River Street who
in her Eternity gets only

a couple of bucks and a lot
of snide remarks in return
for seeking physical love

the best way she knows how,
never really heard of a glad
job or joyous marriage or

a difference in the heart :
or thinks it isn’t for her,
which is her worst misery.

-Allen Ginsberg

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