What I really think about Christmas.

Oh, yeah, it’s that time of year again. Time for the holiday bitch.

Every single time December 26th rolls around, I let out a massive sigh of relief and continue to demolish a large pile of holiday chocolates, crossing my fingers that this day will go away forever.

So far, I have been unlucky. Christmas still lurks in the shadows, right around the corner from Thanksgiving, (one of the best holidays of all time) an impending doom.

In all honesty, with the amount of holidays we celebrate and observe, I wonder how many I actually care about. And so, I have formed a list of my favorite holidays.

1A. If Taylor is asking, her birthday is my number one favorite holiday!

1B. But for all intents and purposes, 4/20 is my all-time favorite holiday. This had to be somewhat expected, as the celebration of this day just includes an over-indulgence in one of my favorite hobbies (habits).

2. I love Thanksgiving Day. Another excessive day, only this time it’s the gluttony that I find so pleasing!

3. New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day–honestly, I don’t care that much. This is a holiday that is not unlike a birthday. There goes another year, and yet I don’t feel any different… However, it does sometimes feel like a renewing, fresh start, and there is usually a great party involved and your neighbors are willing to forgive you for having loud, screaming, drunk people peeing in your yard in the middle of the night.

4. For a little Latin flavor: Cinco de Mayo–for lack of anything better and because, really, any excuse to drink margaritas.

5. Earth Day, because who doesn’t love a little trash clean-up?

6. I guess, but really just because I feel like I should have more on the list, I’ll include Halloween. I have actually found that I kind of hate carving pumpkins (still) and I usually get drunk and eat too much candy, and can’t be bothered to give any away to the costume-clad little children running up onto the porch while we holler and smoke cigarettes. Also, as an alternate form of amusement, this last Halloween someone drove into my neighbor’s house–sad, but at least interesting.

The holidays that certainly did not make the list:

1. Christmas— oh you are so evil. You twist my arm into going to church, rob me blind of my hard earned money (and there is never much of it), and force me to see members of my family who I would prefer to forget about. Oh, and I forgot to add to that list the wretched music and the ridiculous decorations. Of course, I do get to hand out a few modest, well-thought-out gifts to people I love, and I do get to spend time with some great family, and so you have (very) few redeeming factors.

2. Mother Teresa’s Birthday (oh, yes, by the way, this is also my birthday.) A day that is usually built up and yet so very anti-climactic. Usually brings feelings of loneliness, some sadness (“Why hasn’t my mom called?”), the inevitable doing of chores, because you were so sure you had to day all planned out, and in it’s execution you find… it’s just another day.

3. Veteran’s Day/President’s Day/Labor Day/etc.: What strange holidays… Maybe the bank is closed, the library, the post-office… I usually don’t get paid time + a half for working them, and there are no parties. Plus, anymore, people don’t really observe them. Maybe in passing, or in a classroom, or (and more because of the good weather) you have a barbecue.

4. Independence Day: Or, less formally, the 4th of July. There isn’t much to say. I love the food, but overall wish the day would burn down–which I don’t feel would be so hard, perhaps we could accidentally shoot it with a firecracker.

5. Easter: I have more than strayed from the religion with which I was raised, and so this holiday has just become silly. Trying to find colored eggs, either hard-boiled or plastic and filled (and anymore, they put healthy treats in), never really made sense to me, and now that I’m “too old” to participate, it’s even more ridiculous. I guess I enjoy brunch, but church? No, thanks.

The moral of the story is… Well there really isn’t one, and I’m tired of typing and don’t feel like really concluding. But, Christmas sucks! And I wish there was no such thing as holiday obligation. Or Catholic guilt. Eek.

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