I love you, but he cannot keep that thing in his mouth! If he wasn’t a dog, and therefore absolutely knows no better, I would think he was being somehow perverted, sticking that thing out at me all the time, and wriggling it around.
I struggle with human saliva, so one can imagine how well I handle that of a dog (not well at all). Not to mention, every time that thing laps at me I feel like someone is slapping me in the face with a rough piece of lunch meat.
Not just any lunch meat, either, but bologna, the worst lunch meat of all time.